The Girl who wrote about Dragons

I read so many books as a kid, my mum used to get worried about my eyesight. In fact, I used to be banned from reading books like the Dragonlance Chronicles because of their small print. I had to read them in secret. I’d be reading in bed, but as soon as soon as I heard my mother’s footsteps on the stairs I’d have to fumble my book under my pillow.

“Er… hi, mum!”

I don’t know any other kid in my class who had to hide the fact that they were reading. Sheesh.

I used to write fantasy stories too. I started many, but finished none. I would type them studiously on Word-Perfect, and print them out on the dot-dot inkjets. Those were the days when computers were still in black and white, and the printouts had holes on the sides.

It’s easy to talk about my love for fantasy in past tense, but  I find myself somewhat embarrassed now to talk about it in present tense. Fantasy has become the tag-along sibling that I feel I should have outgrown. The bulk of my fantasy novels now sit in the second row of my bookshelf, behind Peter Brook and Thich Nhat Hanh. In fact, when it crossed my mind to write a martial art novel for National Novel Writing month, my first thought was: But don't you want to write something more serious? (Didn't you want to do Crow? What about Craig & Miriam?)

My god, I thought. You really have become a literary snob. What on earth is wrong with writing a fantasy novel?

Here we are. I had to rummage in the cupboard for this.
I must have written this when I was 12-14 years old. There are a couple of stories here, all unfinished. The longest one is 98 pages long. (98 pages? I don't think I've written anything quite as long since then!)

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The font is pretty faded, but the story itself is surprisingly readable. It's odd, I really don't have any recollection of the story at all. Did I really write this? It's a bit, in a way, like going back in time and meeting a younger self.

What startles me is the ferocity of the story.  It's a story centered around the jealousy of two classmates, and there is something very fierce, almost animal-like about their rivalry. The setting of the story is unremarkable, the dialogue unmemorable, but the plot is decent. This again, surprises me, because for the past couple of years, my struggle in theatre-creation has mainly been with plot (c.f., Craig & Miriam, Berzerk!). In fact, I had almost pigeon-holed myself as someone incapable of larger architecture. "It's not hard for me to come up with poetic moments," I'd tell my friends, "But writing a full length is another mode altogether. It's one thing to make a collection of songs; another to write a symphony. I guess that's my challenge..."

But this manuscript disproves this theory! At some point in my life, I could plot. Plot is not the problem here! The story builds quite naturally as Tangarita and Elliyara grow in power. The two friends come so close in friendship, but then turn so viciously upon each other that by the end of the 98 pages - where the reader is left hanging -- I want to know what happened! (I can't believe I got bored with this project, it's 3/4 of the way through and it's just missing a final confrontation!) What's bizarre too is that my loyalties are so fairly divided between the two, it's really terrible. They've hurt each other so much, I can't tell if they are able to have an happy ending any more, or if they will completely destroy each other.

"Well, why don't you finish it?" said Homei, when I told him about it over dinner.

The truth is, I don't think I could write this now. This story captures an emotional truth of a much younger volatile Hofan; but to try to write it now would be like those pictures where adults try to draw like children. You would immediately be able to spot the pretense. If anything, one has to find a new medium, as Picasso did.

Still, I look at Ein & Gum-gum (the puppies) and think: I could write a story. I could write a story of two sisters: one dark, fiercely intelligent; and yet acutely jealous of her quieter, milder sibling.being and doing. The Yin and Yang of my life.

We'll see what comes out in November.